India Part 3--The Harvest is Full

Matthew 9:35-38 "Jesus went through all the towns and villages, teaching in their synagogues, proclaiming the good news of the kingdom and healing every disease and sickness. When He saw the crowds He had compassion on them because they were harassed and helpless like a sheep without a shepherd. Then He said to the disciples, "The harvest is plentiful, the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into this harvest field."


We were just hanging out in the village my dad grew up in. We weren't performing miracles, weren't healing diseases, we were just walking around. The compassion that filled my whole self was so overwhelming. I couldn't stop thinking about it long after we had left. That compassion took root in my heart and infiltrated the core of who I am. Was this just a glimpse, just a fraction of the compassion Jesus had walking through those towns and villages? His compassion drove Him to action: to heal, to share good news. My compassion just lead me to tears.

I've only experienced that feeling of overwhelming compassion a few times in my life. Each time has been when interacting with children. The Lord has made my heart soft for his babies. And every time it happens, it scares me. It scares me that I won't do anything about it. That the moment will pass, that the Holy Spirit will stop whispering (or in these moments it's more like shouting) love into me. Love that wants to change something. Love that wants to give up every comfort I know to somehow rescue these kids--rescue them from the world, from poverty,  from abuse, from a bleak future, from no hope.

I fear that if I don't figure out how to respond, He'll stop giving me these moments that are in equal parts beautiful and painful. These drops of life straight from the scars in His hands.

So, sometimes I shut down everything else. I forget about my house, my work, my friends, my clothes, the luxuries of life, the insecurities. All I can think about is this compassion that is choking me and what I'm going to do with it. I'm scared to go home. Scared to miss the moment. Scared that this will just become memories of the past instead of the beginning of a future.

But, I've decided--I have no idea. I know this compassion isn't something I mustered up myself. So, if I believe it's from Him, I know He can do something with it. Instead of making my mind race, I've realized I need to just be quiet and release it--let Him tell me why He has put this passion inside of me and how He means for it to be used.

I will keep asking though. I won't ignore it. The worst thing I can do is ignore it. Whatever it is that stirs you in your core, don't ignore it.

Because the harvest is full and He's looking for workers.

I'm standing up and waving my hand in the air. I'm ready to work.

Happy 2nd Birthday, Hanchinamunchkins!

Happy Birthday, my boys!! How it breaks my heart that I can't be there to celebrate such a special day!

Since the moment of your existence, you changed us all. I still remember when the doctor said that your mama had miscarried...TWINS! The shock, the tears, the pain. We grieved. Both your daddy and your mommy's families got together and we prayed for a miracle, and a miracle was delivered.  God gave you to us, even when the doctors thought you were gone. You increased our faith and helped us see more glimpses of His goodness. You are God's smile on our family. You are testimonies of His favor.

It feels like it was just yesterday. We headed over with Chinese Food to your house and called it your mom and dad's "Last Supper", the night before you came into this world. And then that day. Oh, that day. The banner, the favors, the streams of people all lined up to meet those new Hanchinamunchkin babies. The world loved you the day you arrived.

You boys have filled me up to the brim. With your crazy good looks and charm and your unique personalities.

Declan. You are the daredevil, probably because you came out first, so feel the need to lead the way. You are the life of the party. You are climbing on things and putting buckets on your head and getting Ethan and Jace all riled up with you. Joy. You bring excitement. You keep your mom on her toes. You have a strong personality, and know what you want. You are a go getter. You are analytical. You have your trademark furrowed brow. With your intense passion and motivation, paired with that brain of yours, I know someday you are going to blow us all away.

Ethan, you were 6 months old when Jace was born. I remember the first time I brought my little newborn over and he was crying. At 6 months, you sat next to me and you patted his back to comfort him. You have showed such a tender compassion at such a young age. You are kind and gentle and sweet. You love to sit and read books. You share your toys. You're calm.  You hide behind this little smile. It's the "Ethan smile". It kind of makes the rest of us catch our breath. It's a smile that makes it seem like you know something that we all desperately want to know.

Happy Birthday, to you 2 miracles.What a  privilege to be your aunty. To cheer you on on the sidelines and see all God has in store for you. How big and full my heart gets that Jace has, not one, but TWO of you, blazing the trail just 6 months ahead of him.

You have made our lives so rich.

I love you boys so much my heart is leaping! Two years and you've already given us so much. I can't get enough. I just can't wait for more.

India Part 2--Random Observations

India is a beautiful country. It's so amazing to be here and see so much of what the U.S.A. doesn't have and doesn't look like. There is so much to be learned from a country considered "Second World". There are also some not so great things that make me realize how blessed we are in America. Here's a list of some random things I've noticed while being here:

-  These people are hard workers. I mean HARD workers. In the scorching heat you will see people all around you working hard, whether in the fields, in the markets, in construction, at home. They take pride in their work and they do a phenomenal job.

- They are awesome at carrying things on their heads. I've seen old women carrying buckets of water on their heads up hills. I saw a man carrying a sack of rice on his head up a flight of stairs. This was no puny sack of rice, this was a Costco jumbo sized sack of rice, on his head. No hands. How his neck didn't break, or he didn't fall backwards, I don't know.

- They are all so helpful. People are always willing to help give directions and are so friendly when passing each other on the streets. I feel like in America we are always looking down at our iphones and ipods we seldom look up. They look up here. It makes a difference.

- I can't decide if they are awesome drivers or awful drivers. Don't get me wrong. The"rules"of the roads are beyond ridiculous. Lanes mean nothing. They just drive. Wherever. Whenever. But, somehow, I have yet to see an accident. How they don't hit every motorcycle, pedestrian, and cow coming at them is a mystery to me.

- Guys hold hands here. Straight guys. Buddies walking down the street or standing in line at the movie theater--totally normal.

- One rupee is worth basically nothing right now. So if you give 10 rupees at a tollbooth and the price is 9 rupees they give you a piece of candy back instead of 1 rupee. I like that kind of math. Equation: If it costs 9 rupees and you give me 10, how much should I give you back? A piece of candy.

- Has PETA visited India? Pretty sure I saw a pig in a ditch on the side of the road with his legs and feet tied together today. He was alive. I am traumatized.

- Slurpees? It's this hot and you don't have Slurpees? Ok, maybe they do somewhere. But, I miss being able to drink water from my fridge, or sink, or buy a fountain drink with ice. Everything we drink has to be from a bottle or boiled and then cooled because no chances can be taken. Clean water from a tap? America is a blessed country.

- Poverty. It's not like the guy standing on the side of the freeway everyday with a sign that says "Will work for pot". It's real. It's 5 year old girls with no shoes and tattered clothes and dirty hair. It's an old man missing a limb or two with no family around to take care of him. It's thick, it's heavy, it's real.

- White people are a rare occurrence here. Strangers will stare. Hard. And they will ask to take a picture with you. They will even hand you their tiny baby, trusting you won't run for the hills with it. I think Owen feels like he is Brad Pitt right now.

- Did I mention it's beautiful here? It is. It's every shade of green you never knew existed. It's so vibrant you can taste and smell the colors.

- People are people wherever you go. America and India could be polar opposites of each other, and at the heart of the country is the people. And the heart of people is always the same. We all celebrate, we all grieve. We all have mountaintops, we all have valleys.

We can live thousands of miles and continents apart. We can be so different and lead such different lives with different priorities and different strengths and weaknesses  And yet. When you strip us down to the core of who we are, we couldn't be anymore the same.

India (Part 1 Probably)

The moment we decided to go to India, I was too distracted by the insanely long journey to get here, I never processed actually being here. The second the wheels of Emirates flight EK532 hit Indian soil, a wave of emotion crashed over me and swallowed me whole. We were here.

This is my sixth time visiting India. I've been coming ever since I was a baby attached to my mom's hip. But, this time is my first time as a wife and mother. This time is different.

It's amazing how a piece of land, a people, a culture could be such a bright, bold thread in the fabric of who I am. A part of me that's impossible to fully explain and can only be shared by experiencing. That's what we're doing. We're sharing experiences. Everything we do and see, I find myself looking over at Owen and Jace so I can see it on their faces--see them loving what I love.

The word for me on this trip is savor. I'm squeezing the juice out of life and savoring every drip. I'm savoring the language barrier that is broken down by the universal languages of love and laughter. The love. The love that I don't even realize I'm missing everyday, it's here, and I can taste it. Tis so sweet. I'm savoring the food...mmm the food. All the vegetables and fruits picked daily from the backyard. I'm savoring the smells, the sounds that take me back to my childhood. I'm savoring my huge family. The kindness of God to give me so many people who love me and are a part of me and my heritage, regardless of space and time. I'm savoring what is probably the last time I'll see my sweet grandma here on earth. I'm savoring my time with my parents. Letting them share the thousands of threads that make up who they are--seeing the elementary school my mom went to, the river she swam in as a kid. I'm savoring Owen and Jace. This precious time with them. Hearing Jace repeatedly squeal "Wee!!" as we dodge through the crazy traffic and "wow!!"at basically everything else. Seeing his eyes light up at all those animals we read about in his pictures books--the cows, the goats, the chickens, the elephants, the horses, the monkeys, the camels. Watching Owen stand in the middle of a torrential downpour, enveloped by all the beauty that surrounds him. Watching him show love and respect and kindness to my cousins and aunts and uncles.

What an honor and privilege to be here during this time of my life. To be able to come to India and savor--together.

Little Life Lesson #3

Today was a beautiful, sunshiney day. I had to go to work, but Jace had a date with Grandma Linda! Grandma Linda dates are always so fun...last time it was a ferry ride and playing with a puppy. Today was a fun day at the beach.

As I was loading up the car this morning, Jace was playing with a deflated ball in the driveway. When it was time to put him in his carseat he started crying and saying over and over again "ball please? ball please?" The kid wanted to stay in the driveway and play with a deflated ball. But I had better plans! I saw and knew his not so distant future was going to be filled with a Grandma Linda date, and she does NOT disappoint! He was going to get to go to the beach and play in the sand and chase birds and run in the grass and watch the waves roll and even see some ducklings. Jace didn't know that. All he knew was what was right in front of him. He doesn't have the capacity and understanding to know what is in his future. But, his mama does. His mama knew there was so much more. But, the only way to give him more was to take him away from the ball and the driveway, while he cried and pleaded to stay.

How often do I do this with God?  I don't have the capacity and understanding to know what's in my future, but He does! Countless times, He has had to pry me away from what seemed to me like the best thing. But, He has always shown me He has so. much. more. Even if it means I have to leave something behind with lots of tears and pleading.

He wants me to walk away from the deflated ball in the driveway. Not because He is mean, but, because He wants to give me something better--a sunny day at the beach.

“It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.” --C.S. Lewis

The Boston Marathon: Worthy of Celebration

(Picture source)

"When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, "Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping." To this day, especially in times of "disaster," I remember my mother's words and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers – so many caring people in this world." --Mr. Rogers

I read up on the history of the Boston Marathon so I could get a better understanding of the weight of all this.  What I learned was--this race is a place of celebration. The qualifying standards for people to even be able to participate in it are very high--an accomplishment worthy of celebration. It has become an international event, bringing people together from all over the world to participate in the universal gift of running--a gathering worthy of celebration. The event has a tradition of including a wheelchair division, a blind/visually impaired division, and a mobility impaired program-- a tradition worthy of celebration. 

So, as the stories unfolded and we found out about the carnage done in this beautiful piece of humanity, my stomach got weak, my heart sank, and my mind raced as I grieved for the world that my children will grow up in. That there are evil people, willing to do heinous things on precious soil.

But, at some point during the day, I looked a little closer. I looked at the first responders, thought of those on the ground who ran towards the chaos with little time to worry about themselves. The police officers and firefighters, the doctors and nurses at the hospitals, the strangers helping strangers on the streets and in the crowds.

When you leaned in quietly and looked close, a place of chaos was dazzling with beauty.

There is still good.

And that good--that good,

 is worthy of celebration.

Our Original Nature

The other night we rented Skyfall, that James Bond movie. We started it pretty late and I won the argument of where we should watch it. Owen wanted the downstairs flat screen, I insisted the laptop in bed (because I knew I would fall asleep and didn't want to have to move when it was over. But, don't tell him that because he always checks if I'm awake and I always pretend I am). Anyhow, asleep I fell.

I saw the opening scene and thought it was so ridiculous that he lived, with no explanation as to how, so I boycotted by falling asleep faster than usual. I randomly woke up at ONE part, in the whole movie. So, really, I'm sure it was a great movie, but I missed it. The one part I saw was some guy, don't know who he was or what he was talking about, but I'm going to share what he said. Only because I can't stop thinking about it. If you hate rats, the thought of it will probably gross you out. 'Infested with rats' is like the most grotesque visualization in the history of visualizations. But, bear with me. I think I have a point. Maybe. I'm writing it out to see if I do. So here's what this guy interrupted my deep sleep with.

"My grandmother had an island when I was a boy. Nothing to boast of. You could walk along it in an hour. But still, it was - it was a paradise for us. One summer, we came for a visit and discovered the whole place had been infested with rats. They'd come on a fishing boat and had gorged themselves on coconut. So how do you get rats off an island, hmm? My grandmother showed me. We buried an oil drum, and hinged the lid. Then we wired coconut to the lid as bait. The rats come for the coconut. They fall into the drum, and after a month, you've trapped all the rats. But what did you do then? Throw the drum into the ocean? Burn it? No. You just leave it. And they begin to get hungry, then one by one they start eating each other, until there are only two left. The two survivors. And then what - do you kill them? No. You take them, and release them into the trees. Only now, they don't eat coconut anymore. Now they will only eat rat. You have changed their nature." -- (Source)

Ok, so yes. Gross.

But it got me thinking. They weren't created to be cannibals. They liked coconuts! But, the options the world gave them changed their nature. 

In the first chapter of the Bible, God spoke: "Let us make human beings in our image, make them reflecting our nature...God created human beings; He created them godlike, reflecting God's nature," (Genesis 1:26-28, The Message).

From the moment our little lips take their first sip of oxygen, we are reflecting the nature of God. But, the world will try to strip that from us. Yes, I believe we were born with original sin, but we were also designed to be like Him! I mean, the list could never be numbered, but the Bible tells us some of His charactersitcs. To name a few: He is holy, He is just, He is merciful, He is faithful, He is truth, He is love.

A friend of mine who I haven't seen in a while, met Jace the other day when he was being babysat, so I wasn't there. The friend messaged me afterwards saying she loved meeting him and said 'he has so many similar facial expressions as you do!' He does? I didn't know! But, I LOVED hearing that. He is my boy. He is reflecting my characteristics.

Just like us. And our Father.We were created to reflect His image. And parts of His image are those things I mentioned: holy, just, merciful, faithful, truthful, loving.

It's part of our nature, only because He is part of our nature. The options the world tries to bombard us with often will make us stray from that. To look out for ourselves and be mean and arrogant and hateful and spiteful and liars and thieves and gossipers and unfaithful and unjust and unmerciful and untruthful and unloving.

If we aren't careful and let ourselves feed into the options the world gives us instead of spending our days reflecting the nature of our Creator and what He originally designed us to be, then we will become just like the rats. We will have a new natural.

The problem with the rats was that once they were so far removed from the coconuts, they didn't even recognize them as a viable means to survival anymore. It just wasn't even an option because it wasn't familiar.

I don't want to walk so far into the world that I don't even recognize who God originally created me to be. I want His nature to always be familiar.