It's Beautiful

I thought pregnant mom's are given 9 months before their social lives become non-existent. My best friends these days are my bed and my bathroom floor. They know everything about me. How it's possible to lay down for a nap and wake up 13.5 hours later. How my husband has been on the run for every kind of popsicle and ice cream in Washington State. How a 26 year old can still cry in the middle of the night for her 'mommy'. The many conversations I've replayed over and over for the day I ever get to meet Eve face to face. What was she thinking?!

I've seen my big plans of going to India on a missions trip with my husband this summer, torn to shreds. Suddenly, our beautiful condo in downtown Edmonds seems too small. The thought that the rest of our lives will never be the same again is terrifying.  There have been fears of losing the friends we have, because do people really wanna hang out with a baby all the time? Not to mention how many times I've heard, and am sick of "Wow, you guys sure didn't waste any time"...as if I'm not aware of how long, or how NOT long, we've been married.

So, so far I have seen the bad and the ugly of pregnancy. But, I've also seen the magic. 

The look on Owen's face when he saw the baby's heart beating for the first time. A look I'll never forget. One proud papa. While my mom said over and over "God's little creation. His little miracle"
 

I've heard Owen tell some of his 25 + year old buddies on the phone that we're pregnant. To hear grown men shouting praises and approvals and their congratulations and amazement over this life that is ours, has brought so much joy to my heart. I am overwhelmed by how proud I am of the friends he has picked to be in our lives.

And my girls, to see the happy tears that have been shed over this life, the promises of help whenever it's needed and the excitement to start this journey with us, as if this child is their own. I am so overwhelmed with gratitude for the friends and family that God has blessed me with. They say it takes a village...I'd say this baby is being born into a beautiful village, ready to nurture and love this child and possibly take him or her on a few hikes ( no rock climbing).

I wrote this two days after we found out we were pregnant and I have had to go back to it a million times...

" It's been 2 days since my world changed. I think today is officially the day that I realized I want you more than anything I've ever wanted. The past 2 days I've wondered if God made some kind of mistake. If He meant to give you to someone else. Surely not us. Us with our plans of travelling the world. Or doing missions. Going on vacations. He surely made some sort of cosmic error in thinking we know how to raise a child. But your aunty Bina said something to me today that made those feeling of inadequacy go away--she reminded me that I have waited for this my whole life--that you are my destiny. She also said to me:

'Don’t forget, one of the biggest things you can do is love and raise a child up in the Lord.  The impact of that is unfathomable.  That child goes out and influences this world and huge things happen in that legacy.  This IS your ministry. ' "

So with that, it is my highest honor in life to say that this child has been given to us by a gracious God who is trusting us with this life. That it is now our responsibility to raise this child up to know, serve, and love Him and His people.

This little life has already changed mine.  I've wanted a child for as far back as my memory goes.

It's a scary thing to watch your dreams come to life.

It's terrifying and breathtaking and unsettling.

It's beautiful.