15 Years of Memories with a Loyal Friend

Chewy's last night with her favorite kiddos

"A dog has no use for fancy cars, big homes, or designer clothes. A water log stick will do just fine. A dog doesn't care if you're rich or poor, clever or dull, smart or dumb. Give him your heart and he'll give you his. How many people can you say that about? How many people can make you feel rare and pure and special? How many people can make you feel extraordinary?" --John Grogan


It's 3:30 a.m. and I can't sleep. I realized the hot tears soaking my pillow are tears that once were caught first by the softness of Chewy's head.

We said goodbye to her tonight, and I think she knew why we were all there. It didn't hit me until we left my parent's house and everything turned off but my mind. All of a sudden the pain hit so deep it hurts parts of my soul.

I started thinking back to the day she was born. My best friend's dog had puppies and I had to have one. I knew which one I wanted, the runt with the spot of white on her chin. I had a campaign ready to present to my parents and everything. And somehow, it worked.

She was a crazy dog for a lot of her life. Sweet, but crazy. Jumping on anyone who walked in the house to shower them with kisses and hugs. She was so hyper we  had to take her to obedience school. It was pointless, because she was obedient. She already knew all the tricks of sitting and rolling over and waiting to eat her cookie, but there was just no stopping her from her love for people. She loved outwardly with an enthusiastic affection.

She didn't care much for other dogs. At the beach when all the other dogs were socializing and sniffing each other, Chewy was having none of that. She was focused on the water and the stick and whoever brought her there. She was my running buddy for many years. She had an athletic spirit and would walk for days with you if you wanted her to. When I played basketball, softball, and soccer, so did she.

But as I was laying in bed tonight, I realized that for the past 15 years of my life, she's been like a quiet, steady, song playing in the background of all my memories. She was there for some of the most crucial times of my life. Middle School, starting high school, driver's license, prom, graduating, college, graduating again, travelling abroad, missions trips, first real job, my wedding, and this year she got to meet my first baby. She was always 'home' wherever I was in life.

I remember the night before my wedding sitting with her and thinking how weird it was that the next day all my family and friends were going to be celebrating the night away, while she was just at home, like it was any other day. But, I feel like she knew when something important was happening. She had her own way of showing you how much she cared, that she was proud of you, that she loved you.

I can't count the number of times she was the first one to hear my problems, wipe (or lick) my tears away, sit and enjoy the sunshine, cuddle up on cold winter days, run by my side or even just sit by my side. Content to just be with me. No pressure to be entertaining or interesting or worthy of attention, just myself. She was a loyal friend who showed her love in the ways she knew how.

After getting married and moving out it was easy to detach from her. I would see her whenever I visited my parents but it wasn't the same as living with her. But in these last couple years as her health has declined, I've watched her stay loyal and keep her youthful spirit despite her physical setbacks. I've watched her embrace all the new grand kids while they pick and poke and laugh with her. Her patience and her gentleness were unwavering.

I hate this post. I hate that I've had to use past tense when describing who she is. I hate that tomorrow night she won't be on this earth anymore. I hate that I feel kind of silly for grieving over an animal this much.

But animals cozy their way into your home and then somehow root themselves into your heart. She's become family, or as mom says 'the daughter who never talks back'.

No words can convey how loved and missed she will be. My memories of her will forever be sweet...a reminder of my youth and all the important milestones she watched me conquer.

My faithful, loyal, sweet girl. Find your rest. You need not worry about us anymore. You lived and loved well, and for that, we are forever grateful.

Anniversary

July 31st, 2010--Our wedding day

July 31st, 2011-- and a few days before and after...we celebrated our first anniversary in Long Beach, California with a couple of our favorite people! Jace was 5 months cooking in my tummy. I was hot. All the time. But we had so much fun!

The Lapps!

Owen and Chris acting like children and rolling down hills

Me and my Jace

Our friend we met at the San Diego Zoo!

July 31st, 2012-- This year we celebrated the Big #2 by going to the Crab Pot for a feast! It was such a fun and yummy experience for us both! We then made our way over to Seattle's Great Wheel, right at sunset, and got to see beautiful Seattle all lit up on a gorgeous summer day! It was a magical evening.

Owen ready to feast

Our yummy meal

Trying to figure out how to crack open a crab

The Great Wheel

Life is only getting richer and richer!

You Love Me Back!

Jacey Pies! Today Daddy let you play in your room when you woke up. After I got up and went in to see you you immediately started laughing, dropped your toy and crawled to me as fast as your little legs would let you go.

It was the first time I REALLY felt you showed you love me back.

Everyone says each age just gets better. I get it now. It's starting to be less about my love for you and more about our love for each other.

My heart is full of joy, my little man. So full.

Why I Have No Time To Blog

A lot has happened as of late. Like for instance, it's our 2 year wedding anniversary!

But for Jace.

In a 24 hour time period he...

...learned how to sit up. So refused to lay down to sleep. SO. Fell asleep. Sitting up.

Perfected crawling. So. I can't keep him in one spot any longer. Which is why he did a somersault off our bed. Thankfully, all this activity has kept us as messy as ever and the pile of pillows next to  our bed caught his fall.

Figured out how to stand up in his crib and lean over to swipe at his night stand. Knocking EVERYTHING over. He also won't sleep for the first 2 hours of bed time  because he stands up and can't figure out how to get back down. So he just screams until we get him back down. Then proceeds to stand up again.

Figured out how to use things to pull himself up so he can grab stuff he's not supposed to have. Like in this instance, the video camera.

And when he gets caught, he has the audacity to put on this face. "Wasn't me."

Yea right, kid. I'm onto you. Keep it up and I won't have time for a shower til you're 18.

Little Life Lesson #2

Romans 5:3-5 "And not only this, but ^[c]we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; ⁴ and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; ⁵ and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us."

This is the face of a very determined, frustrated, little boy. He's almost got it. He gets up on all 4's all on his own now and rocks. Back and forth. The object of his affection (usually my cell phone) is within reach but all he can manage to do is rock back and forth. Sometimes, he'll even wake us up in the middle of the night screaming his head off in his crib. On all 4's. Rocking. Back. And Forth.

As a mama, it's sad (and kinda funny) to watch him try so hard and not succeed. I can see it in his eyes, on his eyebrows, in his cry, he just wants to move.The passion is so deep that it overwhelms him when he tries and ends up on his face. But, I know that one day, he WILL get there.

Sometimes I try to help him. I put one hand in front of the other. Alternate knee scooting. But, there is no satisfaction for him in that. I know that once he figures out how to mobilize his own limbs he will be much more satisfied than when his mama does it for him.

So, I'll sit back and watch and wait and pick him up when the frustration is too unbearable.

But soon and very soon, kid. You're gonna fly. And I'll be your loudest cheeleader.

Reminds me of me. And all the times I can't do it. And all the times I want God to just fix all the messes, scoot me forward. But, where is the satisfaction in that? He knows I WILL get there. It's through the trying and falling where the learning happens. Until it all comes together and we see forward motion. It was worth the sweat and tears. It's then that I know He let me go through it for the satisfaction that comes in the end. 

And there He waits.

My biggest fan.

1st Father's Day

We celebrated Father's Day by hearing my bff, Mel J, hit a homer out of the park with her awesome sermon!

Then we went out to lunch at Las Brisas where I tried the Dungeness Crab Enchiladas..mmmm. Decided to take Owen down the Meadowdale Beach Trail which was so much fun! When we got to the beach my free spirted husband ran into the freezing cold water as it began to rain. Jace watched and laughed. I can just see the 2 of them once Jace figures out how to stand up. I see trouble in the near future.We then finished up the day with a BBQ at Joekat's house where Rupal and Emmi told us they are preggo!! Wasn't a bad day at all :)

So Owen is one of those guys who is not into public displays of affection. He has told me on multiple occasions he would rather I told him to his face or wrote him a card if I had something nice (and probably not nice) I wanted to say about him--not post it on Facebook. It's much less genuine. But I'm breaking the rules for my Father's Day post.

Obers. Jace and I are so lucky to have you. God blew all my expectations out of the water when he gave me you. You are easily one of the hardest working guys I know. At 26 you have managed to buy us a house, 2 cars, work your job (while allowing me to stay home with Jace), study for your CPA (and already passed 2!), workout and stay in shape, spend time with your friends, do the dishes and fold my clothes;), all the while keeping God, me and Jace your priority. I didn't think there were enough hours in the day or enough discipline in a human to accomplish so much.You inspire me. You entertain me. You provide for me. You are adventurous and outgoing, yet maintain a humble heart and a quiet spirit. You are gentle, yet strong. You are full of wisdom and full of grace. Every time I find the bad in something (or someone) you always make sure to point out the good. Always. even if it annoys me. Or even if I am right:) The way you love that little boy of ours. Watching you become a dad has been one of the greatest joys in my life. Nothing you could ever do will ever compare to the way that makes me feel. The way Jace looks at you, it's like he sees his whole world in your eyes. How lucky am I that you are the father of my children. That they will have all your qualities to study, soak up, and mirror. I am so thankful for you. For how you selfelessly lead and for how you love. Happy 1st Father's Day to the guy who made all my dreams come true!

Extraordinary

My goodness my Jace. Every time I think I can't love you anymore, you go and do more amazing things. The stretch marks on my heart are big, fat and ugly because of you.

You my little pal, are amazing. You poop on the toilet all the time now. You love it, you laugh at it, you find joy in it...you are all BOY! 6 months and some change and you love pooping on the toilet. I couldn't be prouder than if you were walking across a stage with a diploma in your hand.

You love eating. Everything. If someone is eating something you open your mouth and your head shakes because you want it so bad. Even if it's a stranger's chow mein at the Edmonds Art Festival.

You are happy. Always. The end.

You got your daddy's survivor instincts. The other day I left you to play in your room and when I walked back in, you had somehow (because you aren't crawling yet...so somehow) made your way around your room to gather up 2 swaddles. One to use as a pillow and one to use as a blanket. You cozied yourself up and fell asleep right there on the floor. I never heard a peep from you. You did all this Mcgyver-ing on your own.

Daddy took you swimming for the first time last week. It was LOUD so you seemed a little weary, but I think you liked it. We are gearing you up for that life of adventure your dad's always talking about. But, I think you liked it even more when we changed you on the bleachers because when the time was right, and your diaper was off, you peed straight into the air for like 5 minutes, I swear.

You love playing by yourself. Having a mama who thrives when being around people, it kind of makes me sad how independant you are and how content you are to just hang out by your lonesome. But it's also very convenient when I need to get ready or eat breakfast.

But there are times when you aren't so independant. Usually we just put you in your crib (sans swaddle now, you're such a big boy!) and you fall asleep all on your own for the next 12 hours. But once in a very blue moon, you have a hard time falling asleep. I walked into your room 3 times tonight to find you wrestling with your owl. So I scooped you up. rocked you in your rocking chair, youtubed Nisha aunty's song for cousin Kenz and sang it to you while one of your hands rubbed the fabric on my shirt, the other rested on my heart and you were looking up at me with your eyes locked on mine. My body filled with baby butterflies and I etched that moment into my soul where I'll keep it forever.

The other day when I was thinking about you and praying for you, the Lord gave me the word 'extraordinary'. You, love of my life, were born to be extraordinary. Those hands will be used for something other. Your potential, your capabilities, your love...more than anything I can dream up for you.

I'm so excited to have front row seats to extraordinary. The glimpses I've seen have been enough for a 'a thousand years'. But, I have a feeling those stretch marks on my heart haven't seen nothin yet.