I can't go any futher without saying, I have the most wonderful husband in the world. I know everyone says that about their husbands. But really. This guy. He works his butt off all day, comes home, does laundry, cooks for me, is so patient with me, helps me put on my socks, my shoes, anything that I need. Prays for me. Encourages me. And all with such graciousness and patience. I don't know how single moms do it. I would have given up a long time ago if it weren't for my Obers. He is such a good man.
So, here we are, we are really on the homestretch. Like for reals this time. If baby boy doesn't come on his own we are inducing him either on Thanksgiving Day (the 24th) or that next Sunday (the 27th). He is almost here. Our lives are about to change. Forever. And yet, I am at a loss for words.
I understand things will be different. I won't be able to sleep for the rest of my life. I won't be able to just park and run into the grocery store for a gallon of milk. I won't be able to spontaneously go to a movie or dinner with my husband or friends. I won't be able to take a random Sunday afternoon nap. My life, as I know it, will be unrecognizable.
I've always wanted kids. Yes, always. I probably wanted them when I was like 2. And here I am, on the verge of my dream, and I'm like some numb, emotionless, weirdo. It's just way too surreal to wrap my head around. It makes no logical sense to me. I'm going to have a baby. Those words, in the same sentence, don't compute in my head as a valid, true statement. I'm going to be a mom. Yea, not that either.
People say to me all the time 'you must be so excited!!' and I follow it up with nervous laughter. How awkward of me. It's just too unreal for me to grasp excitement. What is the proper emotion when you are standing at a cliff, about to jump off into a foregin, mysterious, scary, yet beautiful place? Excitement, thrill, joy? And yet here I am and I can't bring myself to that place. I'm stuck somewhere between "when did I grow up?" to "wait, I never did. This can't be happening. This. cannot. be. happening."
5 days before I found out I was pregnant, a good friend of ours texted Owen and I saying he was praying for us and the Lord had a word for us, that "Greater things are yet to come...trust". This was 5 days before WE found out. So our friend definitely had no idea. Then, the DAY we found out, I went to prayer meeting that night and over and over we sang a song that said "Greater things are yet to come". We even moved on to a different song and our pastor got up on stage and said he felt like we needed to keep singing "Greater things are yet to come", it was as if the Lord was trying to cement into the core of my soul that yes, I could trust Him, that GREATER THINGS ARE COMING!!! That being a mom to this baby boy was going to change my life, yes, but for the greater.
We are about a week away from 'greater things'. I am on the brink of what is 'yet to come'. I can almost see it, I can almost taste it.
And I just know that in that moment when I meet my little man, HIS words will be faithful. They will ring loud and true. The numbness will be stripped away, and I will fully understand what He meant when He wanted me to know...
Greater Things.
