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| Chewy's last night with her favorite kiddos |
"A dog has no use for fancy cars, big homes, or designer clothes. A water log stick will do just fine. A dog doesn't care if you're rich or poor, clever or dull, smart or dumb. Give him your heart and he'll give you his. How many people can you say that about? How many people can make you feel rare and pure and special? How many people can make you feel extraordinary?" --John Grogan
It's 3:30 a.m. and I can't sleep. I realized the hot tears soaking my pillow are tears that once were caught first by the softness of Chewy's head.
We said goodbye to her tonight, and I think she knew why we were all there. It didn't hit me until we left my parent's house and everything turned off but my mind. All of a sudden the pain hit so deep it hurts parts of my soul.
I started thinking back to the day she was born. My best friend's dog had puppies and I had to have one. I knew which one I wanted, the runt with the spot of white on her chin. I had a campaign ready to present to my parents and everything. And somehow, it worked.
She was a crazy dog for a lot of her life. Sweet, but crazy. Jumping on anyone who walked in the house to shower them with kisses and hugs. She was so hyper we had to take her to obedience school. It was pointless, because she was obedient. She already knew all the tricks of sitting and rolling over and waiting to eat her cookie, but there was just no stopping her from her love for people. She loved outwardly with an enthusiastic affection.
She didn't care much for other dogs. At the beach when all the other dogs were socializing and sniffing each other, Chewy was having none of that. She was focused on the water and the stick and whoever brought her there. She was my running buddy for many years. She had an athletic spirit and would walk for days with you if you wanted her to. When I played basketball, softball, and soccer, so did she.
But as I was laying in bed tonight, I realized that for the past 15 years of my life, she's been like a quiet, steady, song playing in the background of all my memories. She was there for some of the most crucial times of my life. Middle School, starting high school, driver's license, prom, graduating, college, graduating again, travelling abroad, missions trips, first real job, my wedding, and this year she got to meet my first baby. She was always 'home' wherever I was in life.
I remember the night before my wedding sitting with her and thinking how weird it was that the next day all my family and friends were going to be celebrating the night away, while she was just at home, like it was any other day. But, I feel like she knew when something important was happening. She had her own way of showing you how much she cared, that she was proud of you, that she loved you.
I can't count the number of times she was the first one to hear my problems, wipe (or lick) my tears away, sit and enjoy the sunshine, cuddle up on cold winter days, run by my side or even just sit by my side. Content to just be with me. No pressure to be entertaining or interesting or worthy of attention, just myself. She was a loyal friend who showed her love in the ways she knew how.
After getting married and moving out it was easy to detach from her. I would see her whenever I visited my parents but it wasn't the same as living with her. But in these last couple years as her health has declined, I've watched her stay loyal and keep her youthful spirit despite her physical setbacks. I've watched her embrace all the new grand kids while they pick and poke and laugh with her. Her patience and her gentleness were unwavering.
I hate this post. I hate that I've had to use past tense when describing who she is. I hate that tomorrow night she won't be on this earth anymore. I hate that I feel kind of silly for grieving over an animal this much.
But animals cozy their way into your home and then somehow root themselves into your heart. She's become family, or as mom says 'the daughter who never talks back'.
No words can convey how loved and missed she will be. My memories of her will forever be sweet...a reminder of my youth and all the important milestones she watched me conquer.
My faithful, loyal, sweet girl. Find your rest. You need not worry about us anymore. You lived and loved well, and for that, we are forever grateful.
