Last month it was so hot in our house. After Jace was asleep Owen blew up our air mattress and we laid on the deck underneath the stars.
There is a lot of perspective when you take the time to look up into the vastness of the night sky. It's a humbling experience. One that keeps you in awe of the universe and forces you to realize how small you are. How your problems and anxieties and fears are tiny in comparison to the thriving world around you. It makes everything seem inconsequential. It forces you to be amazed at the Glory that surrounds you.
I found this blog the other day, and my heart has been broken ever since. I've spent nap times, shower times, all sorts of free time reading the words of this mother who has lost so much.
Sometimes life doesn't make sense. It can be so brutal. It's no wonder that we have flesh to cover whats going on inside of us internally. The writhing and crushing. The feeling of helplessness and wretchedness and ache. I wonder what it looks like. Is it ugly? Or is their beauty in raw, honest feeling?
I've been going back to that day under the cozy blanket of stars. Where nothing mattered much. All the chaos of life didn't matter. The realization of how small me and my problems are made the world look beautiful.
I have been thinking about the good, the bad, and the ugly a lot lately. The dichotomy between the sweet treasures of life and the brutal lashings. Does one outweigh the other? Is it really worth the pain, sweat, and tears this life brings?
I'm doing a Beth Moore study about the "Psalms of Ascent". Today we talked about how the Lord sings over our lives. Think of the most amazing singer you know...and think if God created that voice box how much more captivating His own voice must be. He sings over us. He sings over me.
I think of the effects music has over my soul. If God so much as spoke creation into existence, His singing over me are all those amazing moments that make all the terrible ones worth living for. His songs sound like Jace's laughter. Like my husband's protection and provision. Like my mom's nurturing. Like late night conversations with my friends. Like my family's Sunday night dinners. They sound like peace only He gives. Like freedom. Like His son's life for mine made pure.
His songs over us make this life beautiful. Not only is it worth it, but we are so unworthy of it.
In the midst of chaos and uncertainty, I pray for the perspective from underneath the canvas of the universe. Because it is there that this crazy life makes the most sense to me.
Desperation--Amazed
You dance over me
While I am unaware
You sing all around
But I never hear the sound
Lord I'm amazed by You
Lord I'm amazed by You
Lord I'm amazed by You
How You love me
How wide
How deep
How great
Is Your love for me
More lyrics: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/d/desperation/#share
