I can't even remember what was ever so hard about having one kid. Don't get me wrong--I know it was hard. I hated when people belittled having one kid because sometimes I wondered how I was surviving and they were making it sound like a stroll in the park. So, to all my one-kid friends, I still empathize with you. Going from zero to one is an intense, sacred life change with it's own set of adjustments and sacrifices. But, TWO?! Two is a whole new ball game. Like, a completely different, intense game. Like we were playing baseball at the playfields and now we're playing World Cup soccer (as my friends with 3+ kids laugh at me).
It's. Just. So. Crazy. I remember when Jace was born it was kinda like a vacation. Yes, I was tired and everything was so new and I had to check on him approximately every 3 minutes to make sure he was still breathing and I had no idea what I was doing or if I would escape with my sanity intact. Ok, so maybe not a vacation. But, I also had time to do things while he was sleeping, like: shower, cook, workout, watch TV or nap. I mean, I read the Hunger Games Trilogy during that time! That's three books! Ain't nobody got time for that now!
Now, I am tired. There is no napping for me because once the sun comes up there is the task of entertaining a toddler while feeding an infant and then feeding the toddler and then changing one or the other's diaper. It's an unending circus. By the time I get to feed myself there's no food and it's noon. And I smell. Because I am never not covered in baby vomit and showers are but a blurry, distant memory of my past. And the laundry. Don't get me started on this seemingly innocent form of torture that will never end. And how does one go to TJ Maxx with 2 kids? It's impossible to fit a car seat and a toddler in their tiny carts. And even if I could, trying anything on with the 2 would just not be worth anything in life ::big sigh::.
But, having 2 is also easier in some ways. With Jace we had him in a co-sleeper next to our a bed for a few months, hearing every sound and every breath steal every second of sleep away from us. With Cole--after a few hours of him being home and making crazy barn yard animal noises, he was shipped off to his own crib--history had proven he would be fine one room away from us. With Jace, I didn't leave the house like ever. I was afraid he would poop at the grocery store or scream from hunger or fall out of the cart. Now, I just really don't care. Jace needs to get out of the house for his sanity, but mostly mine, so Cole is coming with. I also know what to expect from a newborn and I know that this too shall pass. I will one day sleep again, he will one day not cry for no apparent reason, nor need to be burped for an hour, he will one day be too mobile to keep in one place, or too self sufficient to need me to rock him to sleep. I now know what won't last forever and what I will miss. So, it's easier to sit back and enjoy where we are.
And then with 2, some things don't change. Like how sleep deprivation makes you crazy. When Jace was a couple weeks old, he was screaming in Owen's ear while Owen slept through it. As I punched and kicked Owen to get him up and hand me the baby he sat straight up and then this:
Owen: Yes.
Me: Yes, what?!
Owen: Yes. I am a wizard.
He then laid back down to sleep as I continued to kick him awake. He finally got up, handed me the baby, walked to the bathroom and came back. As I proceeded to tell him that he just told me he was a wizard he laughed and said, 'Ha. Why don't you just jump on the pile and go swing dancing!' ...and just like that, he was fast asleep again.
With Cole, I woke up to Owen pounding his chest loudly in the middle of the night. When I woke him up to ask what the heck he was doing he said he was burping Cole. Interesting, since Cole was asleep in the other room!
And I can't just throw Owen under the bus. A few weeks ago, when I put on my glasses at 3 am to feed Cole I couldn't see ANYTHING. It was dark, and everything was blurry. I thought I was just super tired and my eyes couldn't adjust. 30 minutes later I realized instead of putting on my prescription glasses I had put on my sunglasses! I was sitting in the dark squinting for thirty whole minutes before I realized I was wearing sunglasses. Inside. At 3 am. By myself. A house full of sleep deprived crazies we are.
And then other things also change with 2--good things. Like you watch the older one slip into this new role of big brother who loves to love and care and it amazes you that your baby is now a big boy who has somehow, in his short 2 years, grasped an understanding of generosity and compassion. You sit back and beam over the 2 of them and dream of their future together as brothers and best friends. Your heart fills with more love than it had when there was just one, which seems impossible and dangerous. You can't help but feel proud and honored that this life is yours because even though it's filled with more chaos than perfection, it's just amazing that 2 little boys are yours and every day they are both changing and becoming little, wonderful people that you get to share with the rest of the world.
It's a whole new ball game-- going from one to two. But, I've come to realize-- while baseball was new and amazing and scary and beautiful while it lasted -- I'm just loving World Cup soccer now.
