12.14.12--Sandy Hook

I woke up this morning to a very quiet house all on my own accord. Jace spent the night with his grandparents so I'm sitting in his empty room. Grieving for all the people who are sitting in empty rooms right now, surrounded by fresh signs of an innocent child, who won't be picked up from grandma's today. Who will never come home again.

As news flooded in yesterday morning of the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting, I watched as evil stole from all of us.

Helpless. Restless. Desperate. Agony. Grief. Questions. Tears.

I held Jace in my arms and thanked the Lord for him. I danced with him while tears stained my face and laughs left his innocent breath. I gave him one too many cookies. I hugged him way too tight and kissed him til my lips hurt.

I ached in my stomach. In my body. Time passed when the oxygen escaped me and took a few moments to come back.

I thought of Santa pictures that were never taken, or are the last picture ever taken. I thought of Christmas presents that will sit unwrapped  forever . That will gain dust as their friends graduate, get married, have kids of their own. I thought of moms and dads.Grandmas and Grandpas. Aunts and Uncles. The relief in hearing your child was waiting for you to pick them up. The violent ripping of your soul into pieces as you hear your child won't be going home with you today. I thought of these little babies. Who were learning to color in between lines. Read Cat in the Hat. Play freeze tag. Warm little tiny, bodies. Tiny hands.  Innocent eyes. Living in a world where kisses made owies better. Left to die. Without their mommies to hold them.

I thought of the kids who made it. Who will never be the same. Who had most likely never seen a horror movie in their few years, and yet saw the most horrific human tragedy that could possibly be witnessed. The purity of their hearts tainted with absolute horror.

I thought of the adults who were killed. Who's children are missing a parent this morning. Spouses missing love. Parents missing children.

I'm thinking of a sad world this morning. How in 24 hours we've all changed. Shattered. Wrecked. Gaping holes in the fabric of who we are. Thankful for what's left of all of us.

12.14.12. Jesus. This day broke your heart before it even existed to us. You are a good God who came here to earth as a human and you are crying with us. You are near to those families who are tortured right now. And you will give them peace. You will give them comfort. You will be their daddy. You will hold them even if they are struggling and want to run away from you. You will collect all their holy tears.  You will supply. You will raise up. You will heal. You will bring justice. You will defend. You will fight.  You alone are lion and you are lamb. You are holding all these precious children, whether with you or still with us, safe and protected in your gentle, firm, strong grip. I pray these things in faith. Knowing and Trusting you are Good. Your Good trumps evil and sickness. We know the end. Your Goodness Wins in the End. So, we walk forward. Confident in who you say you are. Waiting for that day, when we actually can see that everything wrong has been made right by you and you alone.

Psalm 29:

⁹ God’s thunder sets the oak trees dancing
A wild dance, whirling; the pelting rain strips their branches.
We fall to our knees—we call out, “Glory!”

¹⁰ Above the floodwaters is God’s throne
    from which his power flows,
    from which he rules the world.

¹¹ God makes his people strong.
God gives his people peace.

Thank you Jesus for these beautiful babies you have given us for another day.