Losing Weight

So I jumped on the bandwagon of New Year's Resolutions this year and have been trying to lose weight. I am more dedicated to this than I have ever been. I'm in my 3rd week of doing Insanity 6 days a week...and Insanity lives up to it's name. It's. In.Sane. I've also been eating healthier and counting my calories on an app called "My Fitness Pal". I've been doing all this with a group of girls who have similar goals, which has helped me stay motivated.

But, today's weigh in left me in tears as I sputtered to Owen that the scale said I GAINED 2 pounds. GAINED?! I've been working my tail off to get this body in gear and I have nothing to show for it? Owen reassured me that he sees a difference and can feel a difference in the muscle I'm gaining, while my sister in law and cousin and Google assured me that being on my period has caused me to retain water and to never weigh myself when I'm on my period. Again.

Lesson learned.

But, as the day went on I went through waves of panic and discouragement thinking "why should I change my behaviors if they aren't changing me".

And then it dawned on me. I'm not the same girl who once played 3 different sports growing up and drank whole milk for breakfast because my metabolism was so crazy that I stayed skinny no matter what I ate. I'm not the same girl who walked the streets of Cancun with her best friends wearing a bathing suit that I wouldn't even wear now, if I was locked in my bathroom at home by myself.

I'm a different me now. As I look down at my stretch marks I see them as my badge of motherhood. I may as well get a tat across my stomach that says "Jace lived here." Because he did. My body was the home of another human being. 9 months of life were spent growing a person. That's not easy. It's a miracle. Our bodies can do amazing things without even asking us. And my body did.

Sure, I miss the way I used to look. Miss the way clothes used to look on me. But, pictures of me with a baby on my hip are far more beautiful than pictures of me during a Cancun summer vacation.

I'm proud of this body I so easily criticize. I'm proud of those stretch marks that are evidence of my skin expanding to make room for Jace's little body. I'm proud of those abs that got lost somewhere while I felt him take jabs and kick and hiccup inside of me. I'm proud of the strength it took to walk around with a 7 lb baby taking up all the room in my body 24 hours a day. I'm proud of the way I was able to find a way to push him out in 20 minutes. I'm proud that I got to be the one to provide him his first meal, from my OWN body.

It's amazing. My body. It's truly amazing.

Chin held high, I will keep going. I am choosing to make better choices for a healthier me. And if the scale doesn't show it, I can still feel it. I know I feel different.

So here's to not being so hard on myself and wearing my mommy badge proud.

And thanking God for a healthy body that was able to bring a beautiful life into the world.

So for now, I'll just keep trying.

Until I get pregnant again. And then, we'll start all over.

:)