What if?

All my life, in every stage, I've always played the 'what if' game. There's always something more than right now.

When I was young it started with

What if people thought I was pretty?



What if I was the best in every sport I played?


 

 What if I got 100% on every test I took?



Then it turned into things like...



What if I never get married?



Seriously...what if I spend the rest of my life. All alone?



OR...what if I marry someone famous! And I float on in a life of luxury. And drink champagne for breakfast in goblets made out of diamonds while someone rubs my feet?


 
Now it's things like



What if Owen dies?



What if I can't have kids?



What if I get cancer?



Or WRINKLES?!



What if Owen and I sold everything we owned, moved to Italy, and enjoyed a scenic, slow paced, life of relaxation? And forgot about all the pain and insecurities and drama we were leaving behind?

OR?? What if we sold everything, moved to India, and played with little kids all day, and served the lost, hungry and hopeless. What if we brought Hope and Light to His tortured people all around the globe!?



Today I woke up asking different what if's.



What if I would stop being the ruler of my world? He says that His sheep know his voice! AM I THAT VAIN that I can't tell the difference between His voice and mine most days?



What if I would just realize that He wants me here, in Edmonds
Washington right now. BECAUSE I'M HERE, IN EDMONDS, WASHINGTON, RIGHT NOW! How can I dream of travelling the globe telling people of the love and freedom in Christ, when I can't even do it with my own friends? Why can't I give Hope to the hopeless I see every single day? How can I love people so different than me in another country, when I can't even love the people who are the SAME as me?

 What if when I read my Bible I read it as Life, not just words? I was
reading Jeremiah the other day and I read '7 But the LORD said to me, "Do not say, 'I am too young.' You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you. 8 Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you," declares the LORD. 9 Then the LORD reached out his hand and touched my mouth and said to me, "I have put my words in your mouth."



Do I believe these things to be true for today? That He can give me His words to speak to His people. Not my words but HIS?



And if I do believe it...am I going to be an open vessel?? Am I even
going to LET Him use me?



What if I was a better friend? What if I loved passionately and honestly and recklessly? What if I didn't get tired and annoyed and drained by people's problems. But instead stood there with them like nothing else in the world mattered.

 
What if the next time Owen and I get in an argument, I apologize first?



What if my default face wasn't a scowl? What if it was a smile! And
people wanted to come talk to me, because I looked nice and approachable
and friendly?!



What if I was more intentional in my life. With my relationships, with my talents, with my gifts, with my resources. What if instead of being lazy, greedy, and self righteous I was determined, giving and humble?



What if when people saw me, they saw only my soul,



What the heck would they see?!!



What if I started living my life as if there isn't something more,



than just right now.