Nope.
I have a lot of hearts. One morphed into a little ball of Jace. One I gave to Owen. One is still in my chest. But there is one that I buried. In a far off land. Somewhere over in Europe.
The heart of my youth stays contained over there. Not sure if I just left in London, or if I took it with me and scattered it around Spain, Italy, and France. Not Amsterdam though. That was a mess.
Before I got married I had the amazing opportunity to do an internship in London with my bestfriend. We then got to travel and it quickly became my favorite thing to do. Ever. I loved meeting new people, embracing new cultures, seeing how much more amazing life was outside of the 4 walls of the U.S. I loved how after work, people didn't just go home and huddle in their houses. Rain or shine the restaurants spilled over into sidwalks as coworkers, friends, and strangers carried on over drinks and food. The lifestyle was a constant party, them Europeans know how to celebrate a Monday.
It was magical. Those 4 months. Pure magic. Every corner I turned was the possibility of meeting my future husband, included with thick English (Posh) accent. Every night produced unforgettable memories and friends. Every site left me breathless and wanting to pause life for an eternity. And I knew that when my 4 months were over, I either needed to permanently move to Europe, find a job, settle down and make it home. OR, I was going to make it my life's goal to get out of America at least once a year.
Well, that happened. For like 4 years. Until the year I got married. And we went to Hawaii for our Honeymoon. Hawaii. The 50th state. Almost made it.
8 months later. I was pregnant.
And then. I watched my dreams turn into the faintest light. Until I could barely see them anymore. And 9 months later, all my dreams turned into one... Jace Michael. He is my dream. Every time I look at him I see hope and a future. He has been my dream since I was a little girl.
But today. I feel like I'm undergoing some type of heart surgery. That the Lord is doing CPR on my other dreams and giving them back to me. I might not know exactly what that looks like, and it certainly won't be turning corners hoping some thick accented English man will sweep me off my feet. But maybe it will include the amazing, adventurous man I was blessed with and our child who is the happiest, easiest going baby. Maybe God blessed me with these two to be my very own travelling companions, ready to eat up the world with me. To serve, to love, to explore, to learn.
I have no idea. These thoughts are as fresh as they were pounded out on the keyboard.
But I must say, today feels new. It feels refreshing.
Sometimes it's worth it.
To get lost in your daydreams.
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