Satisfied

My sweet baby, Jace.

I've been thinking about some of the posts I've written and thought that if something ever happened to me and all you were left with were my words, you might deduce that I wasn't satisfied with my life. That your mom lived her life always in need, or worse, in want. Wanting to do more, see more, be more. That I never reached the heighth of what I really wanted out of this life.

So, I need to clarify to you. It's not true. Yes, your mom is a dreamer. But, you know what? You're who I've wanted all my life. And you came true. Because of this, you have given me the ability to dream for more. To want for more. Because reality is, I'm satisfied. If this is what I get in life, know that you and your dad have made me completely happy. I consider myself blessed and honored for getting to spend my days with you. Sure, I sometimes feel guilty that I went to school all my life and am not working now, but I know this season is so sweet and you won't need me forever, so I'll gladly trade in a job for these priceless moments I won't get back. My soul is calmed now that you're here. Anything more that I want is just extra.

I've mentioned before it's hard for me to be content in the present. I'm always looking to the past and to the future. Jace, I'm so content in this present with you. The second you go to bed I want to wake you right back up because I miss your smile. I am loving who you are right now and who you are becoming.

You still cry when other babies cry. I see you already have compassion for people. I dream of your future and how you will someday turn those tears into actions for those who need a defender.

Your words and animation. I see you mimicking everyone around you. You're a sponge soaking up the world. I pray that you will mimic your Heavenly Father when you're old enough to know and trust Him.

You're humor. You make me laugh all day. You have sound effects. You spin in circles. You dance. You tell me daily you're going to buy a boat...at least that's what it sounds like. You pretend to sneeze and think it's hilarious. You show your grandma how to cover her mouth when she coughs. You purse your lips together when I ask for a kiss.

You say "I lu you". 

Lately, I've been singing to you, "Someday, when I'm awfully low, when the world is cold, I will feel a glow just thinking of you, and the way you look tonight." We dance and twirl and you throw those gorgeous curls back and bat those long lashes and you laugh. But, I mean it buddy. Someday, I'll remember just this you. This sweet, innocent, beautiful you that has stolen the pitter patters of my heart. I'll remember just the way you look, and it will warm me up like the perfect, cozy blanket. The Lord has been so good to me. And buddy, I am satisfied.

Some day, when I'm awfully low,
When the world is cold,
I will feel a glow just thinking of you
And the way you look tonight.

Yes you're lovely, with your smile so warm
And your cheeks so soft,
There is nothing for me but to love you,
And the way you look tonight.

With each word your tenderness grows,
Tearing my fear apart
And that laugh that wrinkles your nose,
It touches my foolish heart.

Lovely, never, ever change.
Keep that breathless charm.
Won't you please arrange it ?
Cause I love you, just the way you look tonight.